I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
