Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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