Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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