I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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