just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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