saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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