So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
