Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
