i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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