So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
