You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
