How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
