please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
