you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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