I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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