I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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