doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
