remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
