He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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