I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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