He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
