I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
