Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
