It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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