Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
