We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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