The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
