She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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