from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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