It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
