He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
