I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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