hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
