I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
