no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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