: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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