I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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