I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
