After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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