I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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