I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
