belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
