If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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