guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
