1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
