Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
