I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
