Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
