My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize