i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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