i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
