I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
