he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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