STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
