Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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