she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
