I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
