real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
