I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
