I got chris browned last night
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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