He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
