Bisexual people are plain selfish.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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