glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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