if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
