She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
