After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
