I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
accomplished twins. life is a go
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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